How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
