i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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