You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
