And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
