somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So vagazzling was a success
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