I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
