She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
