Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
