And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
