I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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