my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
