Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
