I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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