So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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