Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
