i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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