Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
