Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
