I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
