im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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