the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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