Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
