the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
