don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize