I want to have your abortion
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
