I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
