Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
