on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
