Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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