i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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