My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
