Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
