I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
