Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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