Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
