This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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