I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
