I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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