she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
