i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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