He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
