My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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