dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize