Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
