How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
