I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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