dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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