i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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