Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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