Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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