the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
