It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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