we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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