I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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