so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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