nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
