dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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