I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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