If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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