I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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