the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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