the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
