You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
