i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
