we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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