too bad you live with your parents still
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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