i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
