My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
