i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
