I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
