Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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