the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
