I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
