...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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