i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
