It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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